MORE THAN A LOVER

When Raven courted me,
I Thought, I fell in love with him.
I was looking forward for being in love.
And this handsome man set his eyes on me. And I said, ” great! ”
You know? Almost all of my friends came in arranged marriage.
So, I told to myself, I wouldn’t allow that to happen to me.
I’m going to marry to the man I love.
And someday, I will tell to everybody, specially to my grandchildren when I’m old and gray, that my marriage wasn’t arrange and that is evolves on its natural course.
Falling in love and then marriage.
That would be my greatest achievement.
When the first time I found out that Raven was cheating on me.
I’m scared…
I’m taken care of this relationship, that’s why I was afraid that it will end up just as easy as that.
A relationship that I would like to last until I will die.
So, I tried so hard to keep our relationship intact. Even Though I heard a lot of story about him that he was another woman.
I tried to shut off my ears….
And I tried to close my eyes.
“I’m not going to give up this relationship.” I told to myself.
Until I found out that I’m not really familiar about myself yet.
I was moving through his will and his expectation…

But I woke up into a deep slumber.
I was realized that I didn’t love him really.
You know? Real love…
I just only fascinated with the mere idea of being in love and living at the philosophical words of idealism and fantasy.
I was trying to save my pride so I kept on staying on the relationship.
And he knew that I’m scared,
that’s why he is strong enough to do such things without even considering my feelings.
He was so confident enough that I will stay and I’m still willing to pursue to our marriage.
But that’s where he’s wrong.
I don’t want to get married with him…
Not anymore…
That’s why when I resigned to my work, it was my planned.
I don’t even told him my decisions nor to my parents. Not until a week before the wedding date.
So I tried so hard to find a job to another country without their knowledge.
To forget everything what had happened to me.

” Hey! Don’t do that! ”
I heard a manly voice behind me.
I was silently sat down on a big sea rock and on my mind was the thought about the past.
and my pen was accidentally dropped on the water.
I was trying to reach it out and I heard again that voice.
” Stop, don’t do that! ”
I ignored the voice behind me and I was trying to take my pen. But before I could do that, I felt the hand on my waist and he hardly pulled me.
I tigerly looked at him, ( it was my defence mechanism to avoid any man to get close to me. )
I have this attitude that I don’t want a stranger to interrupt my silence.
” What’s your problem? Will you please mind your own business! ”
” I can’t…seeing you trying to suicide, I can’t bear in my entire conscience. ”
” Suicide? Who? Me? ”
” I saw you. ”
” Oh my! I’m not. I’m just trying to reach out my pen. ”
” Besides, there’s no reason to do that kind of foolishness. ”
” But… ”
” Look! I’m not yet disparate just to kill myself. ”
He looked at me and maybe he found the sincerity in my eyes and I was trying to control my anger out of being polite.
I’m just trying to be snob, because when I looked into his eyes. I felt something different happened?
There was something in him but I couldn’t figure out what was that.
So, I’d pushed him and walked away.
The thought that I will continue to write poetry in my hotel room. A room I had been occupied for three days now for my two weeks vacation and the company paid it.

” Damn that man! ” I talked to myself,when I couldn’t write any single word. I picked up my guitar on the side table and went to balcony. I started strumming my guitar and trying to find any song (aside from poetry, music is my way to express myself. )
” Wow! Wonderful song. ”
I heard the voice and clappings of hands behind me.
” You again? I…” he interrupted me
” Look miss, I didn’t do anything. I just wanna…”
” Look mister who ever you are. ”
” Lance… My name is Dee Lancy Buenaventura. Lance for short. ”
” I don’t… ”
” Miss, sorry for interrupting you. But I didn’t do anything. You have a wonderful voice and the way you sung a song it soothed through my vein. I couldn’t control the urge to talk to you and to meet you. Please allow me to meet you. ”
I want to refuse but I know I couldn’t let him stops.
” Okey, I’m Lheandra. ”
” yes! ”
I’m trying to control myself not to burst into laugh, because he looks so funny in his actuation. But I still couldn’t control to giggled.
He looked at me with amusement on his eyes.
I just realized, This is the first time I laughed to a stranger man. He is not that funny, not really funny but I don’t know why I’m so happy looking at him.
It’s been a long time since a man makes me laugh. Maybe because I never allowed any man to enter closely into my life.
And that’s the beginning of our good friendship, a very special friend who gave me sunshine into my dark days.

” Hello Lance.. What happened? Why did you call? ”
” Hi Lhean, I’m on the parking area of your office. I will pick you up. ”
” What? Okey, just a minute. I will pack up my things first. See you there. ”
” Make it fast please. ”
” Okey, oh man! All of a sudden you came and then asking me to hurry. ”
” You knew me… ”
It’s been eight years since Lance and I became friend. I knew him really. He is honest and he doesn’t scared to tell me what’s on his mind whether it is bad or good thing.And maybe that’s the reason why we became very close friend.
” Hi Lhean… Are you going home now? ”
” Oh hi Tristan. Yes, I am. ”
” You can go with me, If you want.. we’re going to eat dinner first then I will take you home. ”
” No thanks, I take her home. ”
” Lance! Why you came up? ”
” Because you took so long that’s why I came here. ”
He is talking at me but his eyes on tristan. And it seems if Tristan take any wrong move, he will give him a pouch.
” By the way, Tristan this is Lance my dad. ” and gave Tristan a wink.
” Bye Tristan, see you around. ”
And held Lance hand and pulled him away.
Lance is so affectionate, sweet and a hubby material. Trisha is so lucky for having him. And I’m so lucky for having him as my very dear friend. He always save me, he always come on time if I need help. There were time that he talked to my suitor without my knowledge and all of a sudden those men stayed away from me and never talked to me anymore. He is the only one who knows if I’m not comfortable with a man and he secretly talked him then all of a sudden he doesn’t disturbed me anymore. He is like my bodyguard. I can go in and out of their house and even to his room. There were time that I dragged him on my office party and be my escort, that day was my embarrassing moment because I wore an evening gown and yet I’m wearing my favorite sneaker. I know my office mate was laughing behind my back but Lance did not leave and save me for being the topic of the night.Until now we still like a kids and his parents ( mommy Carla and daddy Robert ) just shrug it off if they saw us playing and acting like a teenage boy and girl. But now he is getting married to Trisha. I couldn’t do those thing I did before. I don’t want to feel this way but knowing he is getting married is like cutting my heart into pieces. I loved him… I love him more than a lovers do. His marriage makes me feel sad but I don’t want to be selfish…
I want him to be happy.

” Are you trying to hide from me, Lheandra?”
” No, Why I need to do that? I’m just busy with my work”
” I cannot find you… You never answer my call. And I can even find you at home. ”
I looked at him and then I turned away without saying anything.
When I found out that I was sick, I became aloof again. I stay away in the crowded places and to those people who knows me. It’s been two months now since I resigned from my work and lived on Casey vacation house near on the beach.
It’s really feel good the smell of the sea. So peaceful….

” Do you think you can hid for me forever? ”
” Lance! ”
” I’m so sorry Lhean, but he has the right to know. Please talk to him.” Casey said, then she walked away.
” Lhean, What happened? Did I do anything wrong? Tell me, if I did something to hurt your feelings.. I’m so sorry. ”
Ever since Lance is the first one who always says sorry.
” Lhean.. Talk to me please. ”
” I’m dying…I don’t know when. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week or maybe next month or next year. I don’t know when. The good thing is I can only feel headache from time to time and a bruise on my body. ”
” Then why did you hid it from me. Why all of a sudden you ran away from me. ”
” I don’t know what to do.It hurts me so bad for ignoring you but its for your own good. ”
” Damn! You don’t have the right to tell me what is good for me. I’m the one who can say if it is good for me or not. We’re friend for a long time. And I thought you know me already. ”
” Stop please… You don’t know how I felt right now. I don’t like it.. Until now I still can’t believe that I’m dying. I thought, I’m already okey. I felt this pain since I was young and I… I thought… I thought I’m already okey. Oh God, Why do I feel this kind of pain ”
” Hush… Calm down Lhean. ”
” How to calm down… I’m dying…”
”Don’t lose hope… Lets seek a second opinion. I believed, what ever happen in our life there’s a reason behind it. We must accept it in a positive way. Just trust God. ”
” I also don’t want my family to get worried about me. Please understand. Don’t let my family know about my situations. I don’t want them to treat me again like a fragile gem.”
” Let’s pray together, Lhean. Let’s pray until God’s hear our prayer. ”

” How is she Lance? ” Casey said
” She is sleeping now. My God, seeing her like that its like someone squeezing my heart. She is a kind of girl that she will bear all the pain. You never know if she is in pain because she hid it in her sweet smile. Thank you Casey for letting me know about her condition. ”
” I just known her for a month but she is really a good person. Oh, please give it to her. I think it’s important. She always bring this note wherever she goes. ”
” It’s her poetry composition. ” Lance said.

SAD PARTING

What is the use,
if I tell you how much I love you?
What is the use,
If I tell you that I miss you every minute of the day.
What is the use,
if I tell you that your love is all I need.
What is the use of proving myself that you’re my everything….
My life….
When there’s no time for us to share.
no time for us to be together,
No time for us to feel each other love and care,
I’m losing hope.
I’m starting to stop all my dreams,
Because I know I can’t be with you.
I don’t have a chance to hold you.
Oh dear, I’m hoping
I’m wishing
I’m praying before I leave,
I can even see you face to face,
I can wave my hand not to say goodbye,
But to tell you that you’re the one who gave me strenght to face all of these
It’s hard for me to go,
It’s hard for me to leave in this world,
without even tell you how much you mean to me.
How much I love you.
And I will keep you here in my heart.
I’m so sorry,
But it’s time for me to go.
It’s time for me to leave in this world.
Please don’t be sad,
Don’t cry my honey.
But smile for me,
And I will bring that smile wherever I go.
I will watch over you from heaven up above.
Because you’re the love of my life,
And don’t ever forget that I love you so much.

After Lance had been read my poetry. I saw him crying. And he hugged me so tight. I just pretending that I’m still sleeping but I can control it until I found out that we both crying already.
Friendship has no limitation and no boundary.
It was bound with trust and love.
BEST FRIEND is the best relationship in this world.
You can share to your best friend anything without limitation and hesitation.
You can have girlfriend/boyfriend as many as you want.
Or you can have more than one wife or husband,
But you have only one best friend.
There are some things you can not share to your gf/bf or wife/husband….
But you can easily share it to your best friend.
Whether you will believe it or not…
You can love your best friend more than a lovers do.

©Mari Felices

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To you my best,

Sometimes, I’m wondering why I MET you,

when the times I’m in the saddest part of my life.

I FOUND you when no one could hear whats bothering inside me.

I be CLOSE to you when the times I was in pieces and trying to pick up myself to be whole again.

you became my FRIEND when I felt I’m alone.

And I need a friend to call my own,

You became SPECIAL and a BEST FRIEND.

Who always there to help.

THANK you…

Thank you for your friendship.

Thank you for all the memories we shared together.

Thank you to those silly chat until mid-night

And most specially thank you for given your time at your busy hour.
I don’t really know why or how and when it start.

All I know is…..

I’m so thankful that I met you….

And I don’t want to let you go….

I know it was selfishness….

But I want you to be my friend…..Forever….

I love you lolo!
HAPPY FRIENDSARY
© Mari Felices

Happy birthday Lolo!

Having a friend in your life who always there even if the situation changed is really a great treasure. Sometimes in our lives we meet other people not long enough to stay with us. But it’s really a blessing that someone is there to cheer you up when you are feeling blue. Who pick you up when you feel you’re going to stumble because of trials. Who makes you smiles when you feel sad. Someone who always be there for you to gives you hope and encourange you when the time you don’t know what to do. And most important, Someone who accompany you, who listen to your unending story, laugh to your silly joke and someone who can lean on. And you will forget every thing, every trials, every problem that you’re facing right now when that someone is with you by your side. THATS THE BEST FRIEND CAN DO.  You can love your best friend more than a lovers do. And to those who have best friend… whether they are far or near. They are the one who touch our heart and always had a space in it.

Mari Felices

DISAVOW

After five years..

There’s a lot of changes in my life..

I gain weight…

My skin is not dark anymore, 

It was totally lighten by the weather and environment I was staying right now.

And I thought I’m fine after what had happened.

I thought every time I smile, I get over it.

I thought I’m fine after the pain he has caused me.

I thought I forgot everything about him.

And everything about us.

I thought I can find someone as easy as that after he left me.

But I was wrong…

When I saw his photo,

My nerve came downright in my breath and stopped for a moment.

My heart is like being shatter by someone and my smile turns into tears.

I wanted to convince myself that I don’t love him anymore.

I want to prove to myself that I’m fine.yes. I’m really fine and every thing is going smoothly after he left.

I want to gainsay that I’m not affected with him anymore.

I want to ignore the pained in my heart that slowly killing me.

But…  No matter how I convinced myself that I already dismiss him in my mind.

But in my heart… 

I missed him…

I loved him and I always will,

No matter how I disclaim it.
© Mari Felices

I AM YOUR FRIEND

If you feel alone,
I am here to accompany you.

If you feel sad,

I will try to make you smile.

If you are crying,

I will wipe away your tears.

If your heart had been broken,

I will help you to make it whole again.

If you stumble because of trials,

I offer my arms to give you strength.

If the whole world is against you,

I am here to fight your battle.

If you need someone to talk,

Just call me and I’ll be there right away.

I am your shoulder to cry on,

I am your moonlight in the night.

I am your shadow on the day time.

I am your shelter on rainy days.

I am your best friend

who loves you all the way.

I am your friend for the rest of my life.

But dear, if the time comes

that you cannot find me.

You called me and I did not pick it up. 

Please come my dear…..

Check me….

Maybe I need you badly.
© Mari Felices
http://marifelices.blogspot.com/2017/06/i-am-your-friend.html